If NOT friend, why friend shaped?

The rise of "friend-tech" via the loneliness epidemic

Hello, dear Builder! I've been thinking a lot lately about how the social platforms where I once connected with my real friends have morphed into something else entirely. When I scroll through Instagram, I'm not seeing updates from my college roommate anymore (I'm seeing influencers, brands, and ads!).

As these spaces have transformed from "friend platforms" to "content and commerce platforms," our hunger for genuine connection online has only grown. This shift has created a whole new category of consumer products that builders are racing to fill. Let's talk about it!

The friend-shaped void

Remember when social media was actually... social? When your feed was filled with updates from people you knew rather than algorithmically optimized content designed to keep you scrolling and spending? My own digital social spaces have gradually transformed from places of connection to places of consumption.

This transformation hasn't happened by accident. The business models of platforms like Instagram and Facebook depend on engagement and ad revenue, not on the quality of your friendships. And so gradually, they've optimized for content that drives monetization and engagement, not connection.

As these platforms have evolved away from genuine social connection, we find ourselves in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Half of U.S. adults report experiencing loneliness, a public health crisis that affects mental health, physical well-being, and even lifespan. It's a problem so severe that in 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared it a national priority, pointing out that loneliness carries health risks equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 😱

And so enters what I'm calling "Friend-Tech,” a wave of products helping to tackle loneliness. From Bumble BFF to Replika, from AI companions to community-building platforms, both startups and tech giants are rushing to capitalize on our desperate need for connection.

That said, can you actually engineer authentic connection? Or are we building friend-shaped products that ultimately can't deliver the nutritional value of real friendships?

The friend-tech landscape

Let's explore how consumer companies are approaching this challenge:

AI companions: Your always-on friend

Products like Replika and Tolan offer always-available companions who never judge, never tire, and never have conflicting schedules. They're available 24/7, programmed to be empathetic and responsive to your needs.

This is one of my favorite consumer products these days 👆🏻

According to Eugenia Kuyda, founder of Replika, some users exchange over 30 messages daily with their AI companions … far more than they might with any human friend. Users report genuine emotional connections with their digital friends.

Is the comfort these AI companions provide substantively different from the parasocial relationships we form with influencers or celebrities? And more importantly, do they serve as a bridge to human connection or a substitute that ultimately keeps us isolated?

Digital pets and companions: The caretaking connection

Another fascinating approach comes from apps that tap into our nurturing instincts through digital pets and companions that require our care.

Finch is a self-care app where you nurture a bird companion named Finch by completing daily well-being tasks. When you meditate, journal, or practice gratitude in real life, your bird grows and evolves. It's a clever inversion! Instead of the app caring for you, you care for this digital creature by caring for yourself.

Pixel Pals brings pixelated pets to your iPhone's Dynamic Island or lock screen. These tiny digital animals (cats, dogs, hedgehogs, and more) need feeding, attention, and play. There's something oddly satisfying about caring for these little creatures throughout the day, creating a sense of companionship through responsibility.

These remind me of the Tamagotchi I had in the 90s, but with a modern twist. They're not trying to replicate human friendship directly but instead, they tap into the psychological benefits of nurturing something outside ourselves, creating connection through care.

Friend-finding apps: Digital matchmaking for friendship

Apps like Bumble BFF, Peanut, and Hey! VINA are essentially dating apps, but for friendship. They apply the same mechanics that worked for romantic connections to platonic ones: swipe, match, chat, meet.

The challenge? Friendship doesn't operate quite like dating. The "click" of friendship is often more subtle, building gradually through repeated, low-stakes interactions rather than high-pressure coffee dates.

I've heard mixed reviews from users of these platforms. Some have formed genuine, lasting friendships. Others report awkward "friend dates" that feel forced, sometimes making them feel even more isolated when these engineered connections don't take root.

Structured community: Fellowship through shared activities

Products like Peoplehood (from the founders of SoulCycle) and Good Inside take a different approach, creating structured environments where connection can happen naturally around shared activities or interests (like parenting!).

These platforms might be closest to replicating the natural habitat of connection. Environments where repeated, purposeful interactions build trust and friendship over time.

Where we're headed

I believe we're still in the early stages of this market. Just as wellness evolved from simple meditation apps to sophisticated ecosystems blending digital and physical experiences, friend-tech will mature beyond simple matchmaking to more nuanced approaches.

Here's what I'm watching for:

1. Hybrid models: The most promising solutions will blend digital connection with IRL experiences, recognizing that technology works best as a bridge to human contact, not a replacement.

2. Community-driven approaches: Top-down, algorithm-driven connections may give way to bottom-up community building, where users have more agency in creating the spaces they want to inhabit.

3. Plugging into existing systems: Rather than creating separate "friend-finding" spaces, successful products will integrate with activities we already enjoy (work, fitness, hobbies, etc.) making connection a natural byproduct rather than a forced outcome.

4. Beyond "friend-shaped": The most innovative solutions may transcend our current conception of friendship entirely, creating new forms of connection that serve similar psychological needs without mimicking traditional relationships.

The builders' challenge

If you're building in this space, ask yourself:

• What does authentic connection really require, and how can technology facilitate (not simulate) those conditions?

• Are you addressing the root causes of loneliness, or merely treating symptoms?

• Does your product bring people genuinely closer together, or is it creating a comfortable simulation of closeness?

As our formerly social platforms optimize away from actual friendship and toward content and commerce, our collective hunger for connection only grows. The companies that solve this problem thoughtfully will not only build billion-dollar businesses but may help heal a significant social wound.

What do you think? Are you building in this space? Have you used any friend-tech products yourself? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments below 👇🏻